Tita could not go to sleep that night, she could not find words for what she was feeling. How unfortunate that black holes in space had not been discovered , for then she might have understood the black hole in the center of her chest , infinite coldness flowing through it...

-From "Like water for chocolate"

When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire...

You know how when you obsess with a song , you just hit replay and listen to it over and over again until that song is the only thing in your head?I wish you could do that with some days, like yesterday. Just hit replay over and over again.

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.

I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

Time is contagious

everybody's getting old

Is this it?

Park that car

Drop that phone

Sleep on the floor

Dream about me

Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.

Blue light falls upon your perfect skin
Falls and you draw back again
Falls and this is how I fell

And I cannot forget
And I cannot forget

There's not a lot to say about the days you hurt me
The days you ma(de) me cry out loud
There's not a lot to say about the days you pass(ed) me by
Until I sa(id) goodbye

It's the way you love(d) me
It's the way you love(d) me
Just the way you love(d)

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon

-Woody Allen

If the doors of perception were cleansed , all things would appear infinite.

The moon looked something like this tonight, it was beautiful.

The only thing I have in common with Iran right now is this moon only with an 11:30 hour difference.?!

I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.

Life is a state of mind.

- From "Being There"

Overhead the albatross
Hangs motionless upon the air
And deep beneath the rolling waves
In labyrinths of coral caves
An echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand
And everything is green and submarine

I'd rather dance with you than talk with you

every day there's a girl in the mirror
asking me
what are you doing here
finding my previous motives
growing increasingly unclear

I travelled far and I burned all the bridges
I belived as sooned as I hit land
all the other
options held before me
wither in the light of my plan

there's only one thing on my mind
searching boxes underneath the counter
on a chance that on a tape I'd find

a song for
someone who needs somewhere
to long for

homesick
cause I no longer know
where home is

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

uuuuuuuuuuuaaaaau

uuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(lyrics from the great gig in the sky)

آخر به چه گويم هست از خود خبرم چون نيست

وز بهر چه گويم نيست با وي نظرم چون هست

Where do I begin to tell a story of how great a love can be,
the sweet love story that is older than the sea, the simple truth

about the love she brings to me? Where do I start? With her first

hello she gave a meaning to this empty world of mine. There'd

never be another love, another time. She came into my life and

made the living fine.she fills my heart,she fills my heart with very

special things,with angel songs, with wild imaginings.She fills my soul

with so much love that anywhere I go I'm never lonely. With her along

who could be lonely? I reach for her hand, it's always there. How

long does it last? Can love be measured by the hours in a day?
I have no answers now but this much I can say: I know I'll need her

till the stars all burn away and she'll be there

I read a post by Anousheh Ansari - the first female space tourist who happens to be Iranian! a couple days ago and it really made me think, How much am I willing to pay for my dream??? A months salary? A years salary ? My life??
My real problem is I don't have that big of a dream, I've officially reached an existential crisis.

As I was staring into our backyard this morning , I realized although life is shit it's the little things in life that matter ; like the drops of water on the tip of the grass or the tiny little flowers that randomly grow without you ever planting them...
I need to reach an inner peace...

20/20 vision

There's millions and millions of people around the world, and you can't stop thinking about one. Life is strange isn't it...
Yesterday I had eye surgery, I can see 20/20 now, but am I seeing what I want to see???

You win a while, and then it’s done –
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

Diamonds and Rust

You haven't seen elephants, kings or Peru!
I'm happy to say I had better to do
What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?
All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall!

And the man you will marry?
The home you will share?
To be honest, I really don't care...

You've never been to Niagara Falls?
I have seen water, its water, that's all...
The Eiffel Tower, the Empire State?
My pulse was as high on my very first date!
Your grandson's hand as he plays with your hair?
To be honest, I really don't care...

i'm a fountain of blood
in the shape of a girl
you're the bird on the brim
hypnotized by the whirl
drink me—make me feel real
wet your beak in the stream
the game we're playing is life
love's a two way dream
leave me now—return tonight
tide will show you the way
if you forget my name
you will go astray
like a killer whale trapped in a bay
i'm a path of cinders
burning under your feet
you're the one who walks me
i'm your one way street
i'm a whisper in water
a secret for you to hear
you're the one who grows distant
when I beckon you near
i'm a tree that grows hearts
one for each that you take
you're the intruders hand
i'm the branch that you break
leave me now — return tonight
tide will show you the way
if you forget my name
you will go astray
like a killer whale trapped in a bay

I had a dream about you last night...
We were kissing...
Then this morning on my way to work:

Your softly spoken words
Release my whole desire
Undenied
Totally
And so bare is my heart, I can't hide
And so where does my heart, belong
Beneath your tender touch
My senses can't divide
Ohh so strong
My desire
For so bare is my heart, I can't hide
And so where does my heart, belong
Now that I've found you
And seen behind those eyes
How can I
Carry on
For so bare is my heart, I can't hide
And so where does my heart, belong
BelongBelongBelong

Everyone's a building burning
with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out,
waiting for time to burn us down

But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably
wooohooo

Dressed up like a car crash
The wheels are turning but you’re upside down
Is that what it is?

يك شب مهتاب

ماه مياد تو خواب

منو مي بره كوچه به كوچه

باغ انگوري باغ كلوچه

People are strange

Appassionata

Logical?

When I was young
It seemed that life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the birds in the trees
Well they'd be singing so happily
Oh joyfully, oh playfully watching me

But then they sent me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, oh responsible, practical
And they showed me a world
Where I could be so dependable
Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical

There are times when all the world's asleep
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am

Now watch what you say
Or they'll be calling you a radical
A liberal, oh fanatical, criminal
Oh won't you sign up your name
We'd like to feel you're
Acceptable,
respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable

At night when all the world's asleep
The questions run soo deep
For such a simple man
Won't you please,please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am

21 grams

How many lives do we live?
How many times do we die?

They say we all lose 21 grams...
at the exact moment of our death.
Everyone.

And how much fits into 21 grams?
How much is lost?

When do we lose the 21 grams?
How much goes with them?
How much is gained?

Twenty-one grams.

The weight of a stack of five nickels.
The weight of a hummingbird.
A chocolate bar.

How much did 21 grams weigh?

I need to watch Amelie again...

Entry for July 30, 2006

از ماجراي عجيب سگي در شب
راه پيدا كردن اعداد اول خيلي ساده است اما هيچكس تا به حال نتوانسته است فرمول ساده ايي بسازد كه با آن بشود تشخيص داد آيا يك عدد خيلي بزرگ ، عدد اول است يا نه و يا بعد از آن چه نوع عددي است ٠ احتمالا براي تشخيص اول بودن يك عدد خيلي خيلي بزرگ بايد سالهاي بي شماري را صرف اين كار كنيم٠ من فكر مي كنم اعداد اول درست مثل زندگي هستند ٠ آنها خيلي منطقي هستند اما هيچ وقت نمي توانيد فرمولشان را كشف كنيد حتي اگر وقت خود را با فكر كردن به آنها سپري كنيد٠

Entry for July 29, 2006

Imagine a cold winter night , the sky is red , traffic has died down ( you can still hear a few cars here and there) , then it starts snowing. It snows for a couple hours, you leave the house and walk outside. You can HEAR the snow. I miss the sound of snow falling...

Entry for July 17, 2006

The Germans kill the Jews
And the Jews kill the Arabs
And the Arabs kill the hostages
And that is the news
And is it any wonder that the monkey's confused...???

Entry for July 14, 2006

At the office where the papers (emails) grow
She takes a breakDrinks another coffee(tea)
And she finds it hard to stay awake
It's just another day,
Du Du Du Du Du Du

Entry for July 12, 2006

Yesterday I was walking around in a department store and I passed by an old perfume I used to wear, I sprayed a little on my wrist and WOW!! I went back in time, there is NOTHING like a familiar scent with that kind of power ... ( well MUSIC has it too) I went back in time and I remembered the old Nazli , I miss the old Nazli, I miss her very much...

Entry for July 06, 2006

چه اهميت دارد گاه اگر ؟

Entry for July 05, 2006

"Impressions" [of the sunrise] - Monet

What happens in life isn't really THAT important, it's the IMPRESSION that has meaning and value...
For one person the sunrise may be "just another day beginning" and for another it may mean color,life,love ,rebirth and ...
I love the impressionist painters.

Entry for June 30, 2006

Have you ever wondered what the person on the other side of the mirror is trying to tell you?
She is trying to tell me SOMETHING, I just don't get it ....... yet......

Entry for June 29, 2006

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying
Oh but I didn't see
That the joke was on me...oh no..
And I started to cry
Which started the whole world laughing
Oh if I'd only seen
That the joke was on me
And I looked at the skies
Running my hands
Over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Cursing my head
For things that I've said
Till I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh if I'd only seen
That the joke was on me

Entry for June 27, 2006

تا زهره و مه در آسمان گشت پدید بهتر ز می ناب کسی هیچ ندید

من در عجبم ز میفروشان کایشان به زانکه فروشند چه خواهند خرید

Entry for June 23, 2006

It went from sunshine...to shade...to rain
It went from passion...to pleasure...to pain
From singing sweet love songs, to cryin' the blues
So good...to so bad...so soon

It started with words like forever
And went from always, to sometimes, to never
From give me some lovin'...to give me some room
So good...to so bad...so soon

It went from so good...to so bad...so soon
So good, to so bad, so soon
But nobody told me, so I never knew
It goes from so good, to so bad, so soon

Entry for June 22, 2006

When I was 14 I used to have a diary and in it I would write everything - all the memories good and bad.After a few years I realized I would never forget the memories worth remembering , so in my diary I wrote poems and notes that made me think and would remind me of the little things we tend to forget or sometimes I would make note of a poem just because I thought reading it once would never suffice.
Thanks to technology this blog is now my diary.

Entry for June 20, 2006

پيش از مرجان خلايي بود در انديشه دريا ها

Entry for June 19, 2006

There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Entry for June 15, 2006

به خاطر ِ يک سرود

به خاطر ِ يک قصه در سردترين ِ شب‌ها تاريک‌ترين ِ شب‌هابه خاطر ِ عروسک‌هاي ِ تو، نه به خاطر ِ انسان‌هاي ِ بزرگ

به خاطر ِ سنگ‌فرشي که مرا به تو مي‌رساند، نه به خاطر ِ شاه‌راه‌هاي ِدوردست

Entry for June 14, 2006

اشك رازي است

لبخند رازي است

عشق رازي است
اشك آن شب لبخند عشقم بود

*قصه نيستم كه بگويي

نغمه نيستم كه بخواني

صدا نيستم كه بشنوي

يا چيزي چنان كه ببين

ييا چيزي چنان كه بداني
من درد مشتركم

مرا فرياد كن

*درخت با جنگل سخن ميگويد

علف با صحرا

ستاره با كهكشان

و من با تو سخن مي گويم

نامت را به من بگو

دستت را به من بده

حرفت را به من بگو

قلبت را به من بده

من ريشه هاي ترا يافته ام

با لبانت براي همه لب ها سخن گفته ام

و دست هايت با دستان من آشناست
در خلوت روشن با تو گريسته ام

براي خاطر زندگان

و در گورستان تاريك با تو خوانده ام

زيباترين سرودها رازيرا كه مردگان اين سال

عاشق ترين زندگان بوده اند
*دستت را به من بده

دست هاي تو با من آشناست

اي دير يافته! با تو سخن ميگويم

بسان ابر كه با توفان

بسان علف كه با صحراب

سان باران كه با دريا

بسان پرنده كه با بهار

بسان درخت كه با جنگل سخن مي گويد
زيرا من

ريشه هاي تر يافته ام

زيرا كه صداي من

با صداي تو آشناست

Entry for June 12, 2006

A little note to my daughter/son:

I miss you...