So I have definitely transformed into a "moody" (maybe even manic?!) human being...

I was great for the past 10 days, absolutely great then yesterday down down down...

What if I cant find someone to love? And by love I mean romantic love? What will I do with all the love I have left inside of me??? Oh yeah I forgot I was supposed to not think about "the future"...

Yaay, summer is here-almost :)

Friday is my last day at work. I have never been so illogical before. I just decided to quit and leave. I guess it’s because I have no “motivation”,"passion”,"inspiration”, "...tion”.Oh well the plan (I don’t know if you can really call it a plan) is to take every day as it comes, one at a time. For now at least...

I bought a bright blue bicycle today.

It took me back in time, it was a semi-time machine (I'm a genius I've invented a time machine!). I was soooo excited when I bought it , brought it home and almost immediately hopped on and started riding it... The wind in my face was exactly like when I was 10... It's funny how something as simple as a bicycle can remind you of freedom and pureness...

Music is definitely the most effective form of art, it can change your mood in profound ways.It can remind you of the deepest ,darkest or sweetest memories and it can make you "hope" and "dream" about the future.

When Forough said " it is only sound that remains" she must have meant "music"

"من از آن روز كه در بند توام آزادم"

خيلي قوي اين مصراع٠٠٠

I've received the same "what is love" email , from several different people these past few years, (I read it every time ) ,it's supposedly a list of answers from 4-8 year old kids when they are asked the question "what is love"

This one is by far my favorite answer:

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

You always feel guilty, responsible for what happens…
But we can’t control our lives completely. We do what we can.
Maybe you should learn to wait instead of always having to act
Learn to be idle that doesn’t mean passive
Just take a more relaxed approach towards life and the world
What do you think?

-From "the son's room"

من از نهایت شب حرف میزنم
من از نهایت تاریکی
و از نهایت شب حرف میزنم


اگر به خانهء من آمدی برای من ای مهربان چراغ بیاور
و یک دریچه که از آن
به ازدحام کوچهء خوشبخت بنگرم

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Companionship

We (humans) are constantly looking for a companion, someone to share a moment/ a day/ a life with. This urge is so powerful that we -as logical human beings- fake ourselves to believe. We believe in a moment and think what if it’s true? What if this is what I've been looking for all my life?
I really don't think people are assholes by nature, I think it's the desire to belong to someone and have someone belong to them (for an hour/a day...) , that gives them courage to lie . For some the desire turns into affection and maybe love. For others ...
After all what do we have in this chaotic world but wanting to belong to someone/somewhere/something?

It's all a game, ALL of it, a game with random players and random cards and random rules. Sometimes you forget it's a game and think it's real but it doesn't last for long...

All in all they're just more bricks in the wall...

Think about what happens in the aftermath of a failed relationship or a missed opportunity. We may grieve, but also sometimes we obsessively construct a future fantasy based on what should have happened if things had gone right; if only some vital detail didn't change things how it did. We inhabit that imagined future and interact with our counterpart ghost, making plans and times and places accordingly. We might use this process as a shield and a warning. Or it sabotages, taking on a life of its own as a mental blueprint, directing the actual present and perceptions of new companions.

Love is all a matter of timing, its no good meeting the right person too soo or too late...

-From 2046

I guess you are kind of curious as to who I am, but I am one of those who do not have a regular name. My name depends on you. Just call me whatever is in your mind.
If you are thinking about something that happened a long time ago: Somebody asked you a question and you did not know the answer.
That is my name.
Perhaps it was raining very hard.
That is my name.
Or somebody wanted you to do something. You did it. Then they told you what you did was wrong--"Sorry for the mistake,"--and you had to do something else.
That is my name.
Perhaps it was a game that you played when you were a child or something that came idly into your mind when you were old and sitting in a chair near the window.
That is my name.
Or you walked someplace. There were flowers all around.

That is my name.
Perhaps you stared into a river. There was somebody near you who loved you. They were about to touch you. You could feel this before it happened. Then it happened.
That is my name.
Or you heard someone calling from a great distance. Their voice was almost an echo.
That is my name.
Perhaps you were lying in bed, almost ready to go to sleep and you laughed at something, a joke unto yourself, a good way to end the day.
That is my name.
Or you were eating something good and for a second forgot what you were eating, but still went on, knowing it was good.
That is my name.
Perhaps it was around midnight and the fire tolled like a bell inside the stove.
That is my name.
Or you felt bad when she said that thing to you. She could have told it to someone else: Somebody who was more familiar with her problems.
That is my name.
Perhaps the trout swam in the pool but the river was only eight inches wide and the moon shone on ideath and the watermelon fields glowed out of proportion, dark and the moon seemed to
rise from every plant.
That is my name.

-From "In Watermelon Sugar by Richard Brautigan"

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

1st Farvardin,1386

And yet another year...

Life carries on and on and on and on...

From TrainSpotting:

"At one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever"

"This was to be my final hit. But let's be clear about this: there's final hits and final hits... What kind was this to be? ...Some final hits are actually terminal one way or another, while others are merely transit points as you travel from station to station on the junky journey through junky life..."

Sit there and count your fingers
What can you do
Old girl you're through
Sit there, count your little fingers
Unhappy little girl blue.

Sit there and count the raindrops
Falling on you
It's time you knew
All you can ever count on
Are the raindrops
That fall on little girl blue

Black

and Blue

And who knows which is which and who is who

Love is real,
Real is love
Love is feeling,
Feeling love
Love is wanting
To be loved

Love is touch,
Touch is love
Love is reaching,
Reaching love
Love is asking
To be loved.

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be

Love is free,
Free is love
Love is living,
Living love
Love is needing
To be loved

Why do all good things come to an end???

...

می توان با زيرکی تحقير کرد

هر معمای شگفتی را

می توان تنها به حل جدولی پرداخت

می توان تنها به کشف پاسخی بيهوده دل خوش ساخت

پاسخی بيهوده آری پنج يا شش حرف

می توان چون صفر در تفريق و جمع و ضرب

حاصلی پيوسته يکسان داشت

می توان چون آب در گودال خود خشکيد

می توان زيبايی يک لحظه را با شرم

مثل يک عکس سياه مضحک فوری

در ته صندوق مخفی کرد

می توان در قاب خالی مانده ی يک روز

نقش يک محکوم يا مصلوب يا مغلوب را آويخت

می توان با صورتک ها رخنه ی ديوار را پوشاند

می توان با نقش های پوچتر آميخت

می توان همچون عروسک های کوکی بود

با دو چشم شيشه ای دنيای خود را ديد

می توان در جعبه ی ماهوت

با تنی انباشته از کاه

سال ها در لابلای تور و پولک خفت

میتوان با هر فشار هرزه ی دستی

بی سبب فرياد کرد و گفت

آه من بسيار خوشبختم

We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.
-Goethe

If I could be an object, I would be a broken vase...

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

Love is reckless; not reason

-Rumi

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love give love?
Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance

This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under Pressure
Under Pressure
Pressure

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips, a thousand times...

I'm in a New York state of mind...

Tita could not go to sleep that night, she could not find words for what she was feeling. How unfortunate that black holes in space had not been discovered , for then she might have understood the black hole in the center of her chest , infinite coldness flowing through it...

-From "Like water for chocolate"

When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire...

You know how when you obsess with a song , you just hit replay and listen to it over and over again until that song is the only thing in your head?I wish you could do that with some days, like yesterday. Just hit replay over and over again.

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.

I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

Time is contagious

everybody's getting old

Is this it?

Park that car

Drop that phone

Sleep on the floor

Dream about me

Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.

Blue light falls upon your perfect skin
Falls and you draw back again
Falls and this is how I fell

And I cannot forget
And I cannot forget

There's not a lot to say about the days you hurt me
The days you ma(de) me cry out loud
There's not a lot to say about the days you pass(ed) me by
Until I sa(id) goodbye

It's the way you love(d) me
It's the way you love(d) me
Just the way you love(d)

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon

-Woody Allen

If the doors of perception were cleansed , all things would appear infinite.

The moon looked something like this tonight, it was beautiful.

The only thing I have in common with Iran right now is this moon only with an 11:30 hour difference.?!

I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.

Life is a state of mind.

- From "Being There"

Overhead the albatross
Hangs motionless upon the air
And deep beneath the rolling waves
In labyrinths of coral caves
An echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand
And everything is green and submarine

I'd rather dance with you than talk with you

every day there's a girl in the mirror
asking me
what are you doing here
finding my previous motives
growing increasingly unclear

I travelled far and I burned all the bridges
I belived as sooned as I hit land
all the other
options held before me
wither in the light of my plan

there's only one thing on my mind
searching boxes underneath the counter
on a chance that on a tape I'd find

a song for
someone who needs somewhere
to long for

homesick
cause I no longer know
where home is

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

uuuuuuuuuuuaaaaau

uuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(lyrics from the great gig in the sky)

آخر به چه گويم هست از خود خبرم چون نيست

وز بهر چه گويم نيست با وي نظرم چون هست

Where do I begin to tell a story of how great a love can be,
the sweet love story that is older than the sea, the simple truth

about the love she brings to me? Where do I start? With her first

hello she gave a meaning to this empty world of mine. There'd

never be another love, another time. She came into my life and

made the living fine.she fills my heart,she fills my heart with very

special things,with angel songs, with wild imaginings.She fills my soul

with so much love that anywhere I go I'm never lonely. With her along

who could be lonely? I reach for her hand, it's always there. How

long does it last? Can love be measured by the hours in a day?
I have no answers now but this much I can say: I know I'll need her

till the stars all burn away and she'll be there

I read a post by Anousheh Ansari - the first female space tourist who happens to be Iranian! a couple days ago and it really made me think, How much am I willing to pay for my dream??? A months salary? A years salary ? My life??
My real problem is I don't have that big of a dream, I've officially reached an existential crisis.

As I was staring into our backyard this morning , I realized although life is shit it's the little things in life that matter ; like the drops of water on the tip of the grass or the tiny little flowers that randomly grow without you ever planting them...
I need to reach an inner peace...